Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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