Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
