Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
