At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
