Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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