She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
