Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I need moral support for this bender
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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