im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
