in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
