Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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