I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize