So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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