I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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