You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
