Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
