is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
