I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize