hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
