Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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