You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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