I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
