Your mouth is God's brothel.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
