It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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