the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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