While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
