he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
