how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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