Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
