Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize