census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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