I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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