then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
