Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
