You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
