True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
