drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
