Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
