we made out on top of his cat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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