Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
