I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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