im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
