nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
