I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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