FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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