That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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