My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
