the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
