I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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