who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
