it's too hot outside to masturbate.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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