i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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