hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
