i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A+ Viking dick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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