I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
