she woke up with a sticky ear
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
