Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
