I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
