You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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