But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
