xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
