Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
