Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
