We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
