like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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