Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
