This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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