I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
