dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
