Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize