okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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