yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize