I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
