Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
