just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
