Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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