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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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