I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize