What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
