I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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